I could kill

Some people piss me off. Ignorant of the fact, that they are ruining my day.

It's like having someone poke you with a stick in the.. anywhere really, as getting poked with a stick is freakin annoying either way, and I'm unable to do anything about it as I'm bound to the one doing the poking in a situation where neither can leave.

The one doing the poking, whom I will henceforth refer to as the gimp, is one of those persons who thinks highly enough of themselves to interrupt others mid-sentence, thinking their addition to the conversation is notably better than whatever the rest of the sentence would be. They are however, not the kind of people where that actually would be the fact. The self-overrated addition they shove in there is nothing more than a sheer annoyance for most others taking part of the conversation, as it most often either is a form of repeating what was already stated or simply irrelevant. It is however not frowned upon by many others as they're all in the same situation as me; unable to leave.

The gimp is revealed once it fails to understand a given situation and it's role in that situation. This will most often occur in a way similar to what I explained earlier, where someone is either broken off mid-sentence or where a comment or an act is made with zero relevance to the situation.

Once revealed, the gimp goes about it's business, continuously failing, either it is at delivering a joke, a punchline, a burn or even a simple comment. The entirety of the gimps existence is practically equivalent to the definition of annoyance.

1. The act of annoying or the state of being annoyed.

2. A cause of irritation or vexation; a nuisance.

I find it the 2nd point is especially fitting, as it quite accurately describes how I experience the gimp. Yet it doesn't point out exactly why it's irritating. I figure I have a certain standard for people. And when people prove to be less than they in my opinion should be, then I find it they've simply failed to evolve, and thus fail to amaze.

You won't get on my bad side unless you annoy me, but neither will you get on my good side unless you amaze me, it's as easy as that.

My mind likes to wander

It forms the next in line thought before I arrive there, so that it will be ready for me, and it is usually an advantage, but it does make it hard to stop sometimes.

I wish I could at least have a say in where it's heading, but I don't.

It's one thing when you're all alone with your thoughts and it's off on it's own, but when you're in a situation where your thoughts become your words in an instant, and those words are directed at a certain someone, it's a different story.

In most situations one would prefer to control the words spoken as to control the outcome of the conversation, especially if the conversation is turning into a fight. However, a mind going about as it sees fit could also conjure pleasant outcomes. Outcomes one otherwise wouldn't have dared to aim for, and most often in situations where one doesn't feel at ease.

Over-thinking comments, situations, incidents and surroundings rarely lead to any good, so why not let the mind work on it's own premises once in a while?

Personally I rarely find myself in a situation where my mind gets me into trouble, and it rarely puts me in places I find myself surprised to be, however, it does like messing with me by putting random pictures and ideas into my line of thought when I'm trying to concentrate. I guess this could be called a normal sense of disturbance or even the urges of an imposed need for mainstream entertainment.

Lately I've observed countless incidents where this urge has won the battle and with it the control of the mind, shutting down all focus on the task that was at hand. It annoys me that fewer and fewer seem to master the skill of concentration and thus the ability to be at their best at their own cue. To succumb to the minds own will, only to be able to contemplate wonders and topics outside the medias attention for a maximum of mere minutes, before seemingly loosing interest.

The interest isn't lost, it's simply concealed by the aforementioned urge. Once one manages to avoid giving in to the urge, one will find the interest for the topic is refreshed and the concentration is yet intact. The ability to maintain one's concentration will on the other hand subside by time, resulting in some sort of break.

This, however, is only healthy, and most welcome as one in general feels refreshed afterwards, ready for a new go at the topic.

Don't stop building

Earlier I wrote about a grand puzzle that most people fail to, or neglect to build, rather focusing on their own smaller puzzle, which includes only themselves and those they care about. However, I didn’t account for the event of pieces gone missing. What if parts of the puzzle would be to perish? What if we lose someone? Will the void in our puzzle be filled by other pieces or will it remain forever?

I see no way for anyone to fill in the very same pieces I find my friends filling in. The gratitude and affection I feel towards them is beyond comparison to anything or anyone else, and if I would be so damned as to lose any of them, I would never, and I mean never be able to fill that void.

When I meet new people, they come with new pieces for my puzzle. Those pieces are neither stacked on top of the others nor are they put in their place, they are placed around the edges, not meaning they are in any way less appreciated, only that they will for ever have their unique place, and thus expanding the entire puzzle.

The more important the persons role is in my life, the more pieces they bring, and the bigger their part of the puzzle is. The ones who take up most of my puzzle have pieces representing everything I know about them; their ability to make me smile just by thinking about them (I'm even smiling as I'm writing this), their ability to make me laugh just by giving a certain look or the tiniest comment (or by going way, way, way, waaay too far with a joke, which often results in only the two of us laughing like hell and the rest thinking "what the fuck?").

Other big parts would represent how I feel safe and at home no matter where we're at and what we're doing, just because I know exactly who it is that's sitting next to me, and that you know exactly who I am as well. Or how I know I can rely on you no matter what I do, and no matter what happens to me, because you would walk through fire (yes, walk, not run, that's how tough you are) and fight anyone, even though they're flying like butterflies and stinging like bees, just to save me.

I come to think that having someone so important in your life is quite dangerous in a way. That if the person would be to disappear from your life and seemingly destroy your puzzle, you'd have no way of rebuilding it. But I can't fight the feeling, or even the fact that having a grand puzzle for as long as you possibly can and maybe one day losing parts, if not all of it, still beats never having one at all. And if I so were to get some voids in it, then I hope I'll manage to build the puzzle larger, so that the voids will seem smaller and less significant than they were at their origin. Yet the voids will always be there, because no one, and I mean no one will be able to fill in your pieces.

Change of perspective

Do I waste away the day when I sleep late, or do I waste away the night when I don't?

Staying sharp

This guy has figured it out.
Making sure the play is his to win even before he starts playing.
But of course this fellow has a bit more to him than just playing them cards right, so enough about him.

We can't all be superheroes, but we can at least get better at playing them cards of ours; what to say and do when and where is key.

I'm often taken aback by the way people act without thought. Not to think before one acts is basically equivalent of acting like an animal.


René Descartes; "Cogito ergo sum" or "I think, therefore I am"


Not to think is simply unthinkable. Surely many would quite ironically think of this as an attack on spontaneity, but even a spontaneous act is performed with some reasoning as foundation, however brief it is.

An action performed without any thought or reflection is to me like gambling. You don't know what exactly you're throwing out there and you have no idea what you're gonna get back.
I don't like gambling. I like control. I like playing with a set of rules and boundaries, so that I can understand and predict others' actions and vice versa. The more I think before I act, the fewer surprises all around. We would never get to know one another if we constantly acted without thinking, because there would be nothing left to separate you from the next guy.


"Your actions define you as a person" - This is true, only if you think before you act.

"Your actions define you as an animal" - This is true, only if you don't.


Personally I want to be as much like Gambit as possible. Fictively I'd love to be like him in every way, but realistically I would at least want that ability of his; to be able to play my best cards at all given times and still have an ace up my sleeve.

Distinctions - The whatnow behind the internal joke

Internal jokes are often thought of as evil jokes meant to exclude others. The ones who feel this the most are those who are not a part of the group the internal joke is laughed at in the first place. They feel they're being shown where the door is and getting hints and looks as to how it's supposed to be opened and how one is supposed to leave the room, or in this instance, the conversation.

I don't think internal jokes are evil at all. I generally think it's exciting to watch as others laugh at something seemingly meaningless or even nonexistent, and I find this exciting because it means they're seeing something I'm not. And I want to see it too.

You see, we all have our different distinctions, it's how we differ from one another and it's how we tell our friends and acquaintances apart. Now, what's interesting is how friends tend to develop certain distinctions in harmony, and thus joke about them, yes, you got it, this is what an internal joke is, a joke based on something small and most often odd that two or more friends have in common, there, I even explained it further.

I find that internal jokes are a very basic part of ones personality, and that one is dependent on it, and other things of course, to be happy and to.. glow.. yes, to glow. We all like glowing, don't we? It's equivalent to being very very happy, basically. I don't see why someone would rather throw a blanket over a glowing bunch of people instead of simply enjoying their good mood and thus good company. You do know good mood is contagious, right?

Graffiti

Graffiti markings in public space offers the allure of a mystery. To the viewer, they are painted by anonymous writers for reasons unknown, and their messages are often obscure. They appear and disappear without warning. They do not usually promote commerce, lay down the law or give instructions, and in this way they differ markedly from the functional signs we do know how to read. In the case of subway-style graffiti in particular, the message can be deeply encoded in elaborate "wildstyle" lettering that disguises and deconstructs the forms of the letters themselves. But cryptic messages can be conveyed even by more easily read tags or pieces, such as a series of letters and numbers, a word fragment or a misspelt word that could be a noun, verb and adjective all at once. Graffiti is a contemporary form of hieroglyphs, mysterious messages left on the material fabric of our culture. Becoming urban archaeologists, we attempt to unravel their meanings as we go about our business.

Quote from "Uncommissioned art, an A-Z of Australian graffiti" by Christine Dew

I must say..
Damn.